To Moveon.org, with luv, Osama

I was disturbed to accidentally come across this letter from Osama Bin Laden to Moveon.org.

“To: Moveon.org

Cc: Daily Kos,
Huffington Post

Dear Moveon.org,

As you may have noticed, it has been a rough few years for me. Living in a war zone without the rule of law…it’s worse than Detroit, although I hear the Lions are doing better.

Anyway, I am deeply concerned that your organization is making some of the same mistakes I did, and I want to warn you not to overreach.

Things started out great for me. I was a hero, and after a brief period of unity in the USA, your organization took the lead in blaming President Bush for 9/11. I was thrilled that somebody had the courage to speak the truth.

We were doing well in Al Queda, and killing westerners and Jews and other infidels made me more popular than my favorite Seinfeld character, the Soup Nazi. Then I made a mistake. I overreached. I ordered my supporters to start killing other Muslims, including Sunni Muslims. This tactic has backfired. Now I have 90% of the people in the Islamic world against me. Some of them even hate me more than Jews, although at first those people were just stoners. I have lower poll ratings than Nancy Pelosi, who may I say, looks sexy in a burka, and would make an excellent 24th wife. I was going to buy her the Jayson Blair Times as a Ramadan present.

Anyway, back to my point. Your organization has gone too far. It was one thing when you attacked George W. Bush. Blaming him and all republicans is a successful strategy. Heck, you even managed to throw in some antisemitism in your rallies, which warned my heart. The Neocons are Jews, and they control the world after all. Yet you went too far. You started attacking moderate democrats such as Joe Lieberman. Then you went after liberals, even attacking Hillary Clinton.

I must commend you on your bravery, since I must confess she does scare me. However, your not being afraid of her shows what courage you have. Unfortunately, the American people are confusing your bravery with lunacy, and if you do not tone down your rhetoric, you will be seen as wack jobs.

You really messed up when you called General David Petraeus “General Betray Us.” Don’t get me wrong, your linguistic skills are on par with one of my heroes, Noam Chomsky. Also, I hate David Petraeus as much as you do. He is trying to kill me. Yes, I am safely in Afghanistan and he is in Iraq, but he is killing all of my men. I can’t wage jihad all by myself. The bottom line is any man that can lead a successful counterinsurgency is not going to be afraid of a few blubberers in congress. I used to call them bloviators, but when I found out Bill O’Reilly liked that word, I banned it from being spoken by any of my men since I hate him as much as he hates me, and as much as you hate him as well.

You need to be more stealth in your attacks. It took us years to convince Bush and the Jews to plan 9/11. It was difficult. Yet we are losing the war against America because we are getting killed on the public relations front, despite a brief military victory on 9/11.

Your problem is public relations. You need to be more friendly. Be less strident. Smile more. You can be seething with irrational rage inside towards anybody and everybody, but put on a moderate face. Hillary Clinton does it every day. Learn from her. Attacking your fellow comrades in arms who despise republicans as much as you do is counterproductive. Trust me on this one, I know.

I am getting up there in years, and waging war has left me physically and mentally drained. I could use a good health care system, which rumor has it your organization cares about. Yet when I turn on my black and white television (you try getting cable in this part of the world), all I hear you guys do is yell and scream. Again, learn from my mistakes. Come across as reasonable. Persuade Americans that you are normal.

We have similar goals, which is to bring about the destruction of America as a religious nation founded on Judeo-Christian values. True, I would prefer a Caliphate, but my buddy Saddam ran an atheistic Marxist state, and he was doing fine until he was caught and hanged. We can quibble over the details later. Right now we need to stop America from infiltrating the world. Did you know that Islam forbids gambling, illicit sex, and drinking alcohol? Your decadent nation corrupted the Saudi hijackers that killed your people. The night before they killed all those Americans, they were in the casinos, getting drunk and playing with hookers. This is tragic.

You need to focus your attention on trying to destroy republicans, and George W. Bush in particular. Otherwise, he will spend less time battling with you and more time looking for me. I can’t even take time out for a romantic encounter with any of my 23 wives or 165 goats without worrying that some jingoistic American soldiers will come and shove an American flag up my rumpus.

Anyway, I need to get back to my cave. Also, can you have some of your top fundraisers such as this Hsu fellow send me some money? My credit cards are not working. I think I keep getting my pin number wrong.

Anyway, good luck in what you are doing. You have my support emotionally.

With Luv,

Osama

P.S. Call me Sammy. If I can call you Betty you can call me Al. I do love Paul Simon. Also, where does a guy get some of those bow ties? Please check Ebay for me. Oh, and death to the infidels in America, that being the Jews, Christians and republicans.”

Man, that guy is more frightening than Howard Dean…even if he does scream less.


source - http://blacktygrrrr.wordpress.com/2007/09/17/to-moveonorg-with-luv-osama/